Advocate for — and with — queer and trans young people

Read this article: I Need An Accomplice, Not An Ally.

Among many salient points the author makes:

• "Ally" is a verb.
• Are you feeling or are you doing? Allies will focus more on feeling, while accomplices will focus more on doing.

You can also consult R2T2's glossary for the definitions of "ally" and "accomplice."

Remember that it's critical to center tween and teen voices in any supportive work you do. They, not you, are the experts in their lives. And folx in the most marginalized communities usually already know the solutions to the problems they face.

Find out what young people in your area are doing already and ask how you as an adult can help.

By not putting them out front and center especially in these times of open hostility to queer and, to a greater extent, trans communities. Self-advocacy is more dangerous today and needs to be balanced against safety.

If adults need to learn about queer and trans young people, they can be getting it from sources other than queer and trans young people themselves (like, oh, for instance, R2T2).

Young people should also not have to expend the emotional energy needed to correct adult mistakes, especially with parents and teachers, the two groups that have the most day-to-day power over these tweens and teens.

(Many thanks to Page of the Common Goodness Project for some of the fantastic suggestions in this section.)

As is increasingly widely accepted, human brains continue to grow and mature until the mid- to late-twenties. This means that young people can be more impulsive than adults. Tweens and teens also don't yet have the breadth of adult experiences in the world, which can feed into many young people's lack of maturity.

And since they haven't been around as long, they may think that two decades is a million years, whereas many of us who became adults 20 years ago were paying close attention to what was going on in the world -- and we remember a good part of it.

So while adults need to follow the lead of queer and trans young people when they tell us how we can support them, that doesn't mean we have to do everything they ask. This is not because adults automatically know more; it's because we have more experience in the world and have a framework for looking at things that many young people currently lack.

So if you find yourself balking at a tween's or teen's suggestion, ask yourself the questions below.

Serious questions

1. Will the proposed activity lead to anyone getting hurt or killed?
2. Will it involve violence?
3. Is the proposed activity illegal?
4. Is it unethical?
5. Would participating lead to you getting fired, demoted, not promoted, or any other negative consequence at work?
6. Would it have highly negative impacts on a young person's life at home, in their religious community, or in other aspects of life?
7. Would it have highly negative impacts on your life at home, in your religious community, or in other aspects of your life?

Less serious considerations

1. Will the proposed activity ask participants to engage in nonviolent civil disobedience?
2. Will the activity lead to negative press?
3. Will it turn off potential adult allies/accomplices?
4. Does the young person understand these potential consequences? 

If the proposed activity is truly something that could lead to very negative outcomes, let them know you can't support what they want to do and offer to explain your reasoning if they're interested. Then offer to help them come up with an alternative. If they're not interested in your views, leave the issue well enough alone; no young person wants a lecture if they can avoid it. And if you're lecturing, they may not hear you anyway.

But if you feel you must offer your guidance because of some potentially grave consequences (see the first list of questions above), deliver your feedback in the humblest ways possible. Tell the young person that you don't know everything, that you support the spirit and passion behind their idea, but that you're seriously concerned about the potential activity because of reasons X, Y, and/or Z.

Alternatively, it may be time for you to sit with your discomfort (see the second set of questions above), figure out where it's coming from, and decide if you can support the suggested activity in spite of that discomfort. In this case, the work is yours to do internally; you don't need to bring it up to a tween or teen.

Remember: if you're uncomfortable, there's a good chance you have something to learn.

Also remember: the discomfort of straight, cis people is less important than the health, happiness, safety, and welfare of queer and trans folx. Given the choice, always choose the latter.

Finally, keep in mind that your inability to participate in an activity doesn't mean you can't support young people behind the scenes, either in this activity or at another one in the fuutre. Sometimes, that help is the most important kind to have.

(Many thanks to Page of the Common Goodness Project for some of the fantastic suggestions in this section.)

Collaborate with young people's teachers, principals, other staff, and administrators. This work includes advocacy:

• For inclusive sex ed curricula
  1. 15 Tips For Talking About Sexuality with Transgender and Nonbinary Teens
  2. A Call to Action LGBTQ Youth Need Inclusive Sex Education
  3. LGBTQ-Inclusive Sexual Health Education
  4. Non-inclusive sex ed puts LGBTQ+ youth at risk
  5. Queering Sexual Education

• Focusing on the needs of BIPOC students
  1. Black students
  2. Native and indigenous students
  3. Latine/Latinx students
  4. AAPI students
  5. Bi-/multiracial students. (I couldn't find a source focusing on these young people in school. But there's this more general one (PDF) from the Trevor Project that includes some information on schools.)

• In front of school boards (PDF)
  1. For young people themselves to have seats on the local school board if there are students in your community who are interested and are taking this on.
  2. For non-discrimination regulations that cover actual and perceived sexual orientation and gender identity.
     1. First a policy needs to be written and passed.
     2. Then it needs to be fully implemented.

Additional ideas specifically for educators are also available on R2T2.

You can also consult GLSEN's Action Center.

• Resources within R2T2
  1. Ideas for religious leaders
  2. The adult resources section

• External resources
  1. Faith Communities and the Well-Being of LGBT Youth (PDF)
  2. Transitioning to Inclusion: Embracing Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning Youth in Faith Communities

• Fly a pride flag.
• If you have a homeowners' association or the like that's passed regulations prohibiting the flying of flags, work to get it repealed and/or put up yard signs or flags inside your house in a prominent window.
• See also these additional ideas on R2T2.

• LGBTQ Youth in the Massachusetts Child Welfare System: A Report on Pervasive Threats to Safety, Wellbeing, and Permanency
• LGBTQ Youth with a History of Foster Care
• LGBTQ+ Youth in the Foster Care System
• For LGBTQ Youth in Foster Care, Finding Home Is Hard
• Honouring the Voices of 2SLGBTQ+ Youth in Care Within Manitoba

• • Bridging the Gap: Strengthening LGBTQ Youth and Police Relations (PDF)
  • LGBTQ+ Youth & The Youth Legal System

• Criminalization of LGBTQ+ Youth
• Incarcerated LGBTQ+ Adults and Youth (PDF)

• Advancing LGBTQ Equality Through Local Executive Action
• LGBTQ+ Civil Rights: Local Government Efforts in a Volatile Era

• 2022 U.S. National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health by State
• Mapping Attacks on LGBTQ Rights in U.S. State Legislatures
• Outlawing Trans Youth: State Legislatures and the Battle over Gender-Affirming Healthcare for Minors
• Under Fire Series: The War on LGBTQ People in America
• Find your state legislators on the website of the company Plural.
  • Then reach out to them. Let them know how you feel and how these issues personally impact you, your family, and your community.
  • If there's particular legislation that you want them to pass or table, include the bill number when you call.

• Shamefully, the Equality Act has not yet passed Congress, even though it's been introduced in some form or other since the 1970s.
• Find your Congressional Representatives and Senator on Congress.gov.
• Then reach out to them. Let them know how you feel and how these issues personally impact you, your family, and your community.
• If there's particular legislation that you want them to pass or table, include the bill number (e.g., HB100 or SB100) when you call.

• Reach out to them. Let them know how you feel and how these issues personally impact you, your family, and your community.
• If there's particular legislation that you want the president to either sign or veto, include the bill number (e.g., HB100 or SB100) when you call.
• Here's how to reach out:
  • To leave comments: (202) 456-1111
  • To reach the Whie House switchboard: (202) 456-1414
  • TTY/TTD: (202) 456-6213
  • The White House contact form
  • There's a little more information on their contact-us page