By sloomstudio on Envato Elements.
If a queer or trans tween or teen is feeling suicidal...
First, be familiar with these critical support resources.
- Risk factors, protective factors, and warning signs
- Warning Signs for Suicide
- Warning Signs of Suicide
And know the difference between suicidality and self-harm. Impulsive suicidal thoughts are normal for many young people. "I've been having these thoughts but don't actually want to kill myself" is different from a tween or teen who reports making a plan to kill themself.
If you're feeling overwhelmed and not equipped to deal with the situation on your own, get help.
- Call your county crisis line, 988, or any of these other resources.
- Those that are queer- or trans-specific often provide support to those who are supporting someone in crisis.
You need to make sure that you're getting care so you can provide the best care — to the young person and to yourself.
- Accept their feelings and be non-judgmental.
- Ask them directly if they're thinking of hurting themself. And don't shy away from using the word "suicide." You won't give an idea to a young person who isn't already considering taking their own life. You can be very direct: "Are you thinking about suicide?" or "about killing yourself?" is a best practice.
- If they are thinking of killing themself, ask them how and when they may do so. Their response will help you assess the concreteness of their plans and how soon they're thinking of taking action. If they want to or plan to take immediate action, don't leave them alone.
- Help them find mental healthcare, in-person and/or online.
- If they have a mental healthcare provider, encourage them to call that person immediately, while you're there with them. If they won't, offer to call for them.
- Encourage them to contact any of the crisis resources listed on this webpage — or do so yourself.
- If possible, take them to any in-person mental health services so you know they get there.
- If possible, remove items they could use to hurt themself, such as knives, guns*, medication, car keys, or ropes.
- * If available, lock the gun cabinet and take the key, which is safer than you handling a gun, especially if you're not trained in gun safety.
- If you are trained, remove the gun entirely from the premises to off-site storage if that's an option.
- Keep them away from alcohol or drugs that may lower their inhibitions. If they're already drunk or high, stay with them.
- Ask if you can drive them to the ER, a crisis mental health clinic, or, if it's during business hours, to their mental healthcare provider's office. In the latter case, please call the mental healthcare provider before you leave or as you're leaving.
Before proceeding, i want to emphasize that i am not a mental health provider (or any other kind of provider). So i am not offering legal or professional advice not to call 911. But i do want to explain why 911 may not be your best course of action.
Law enforcement is not always trained in mental health first aid, which has lead to many suicidal people being killed by police. What's below is just a sample:
- Alabama: former police officer given 25-year sentence for shooting suicidal man
- San Diego police fatally shoot man they say was suicidal and holding a gun to his head
- Suicidal person shot and killed by police officers in Goodyear following confrontation, department says
- Utah police now banned from shooting at people who are suicidal but only a threat to themselves
What's more, BIPOC people and queer/trans folx are more likely to have had negative interactions with law enforcement than white, straight, and/or cis people. This means both that BIPOC queer/trans people may react negatively to the presence of law enforcement and that police themselves may react negatively if the person they’re called to help is visibly queer or trans, something that may be exacerbated if the person is also clearly BIPOC.
- Discrimination and Harassment by Law Enforcement Officers in the LGBT Community
- The NYPD Can't Pinkwash Its History of LGBTQ+ Violence
- Policing LGBQ People
- Protected and Served? (PDF)
Some alternatives to think about:
- Get whatever support you need for yourself.
- Follow up with the young person in the ensuing days and weeks.
- Know that, no matter the outcome, your concern and caring made a difference.
- Remember that, when all is said & done, the other person made choices that were best for them.
