Multiple "Why's" and a "What"
Since 2015, i've watched Donald Trump — along with those taking his views to further extremes — lead a mean, vicious backlash against LGBTQA+/SGL (an acronym you'll find defined in the glossary) and other marginalized communities — so often targeting "our" kids (a phrase you'll find explained in the glossary).
My fury led me to consider how and in what ways to respond, some of which are among the articles and op-eds linked in this part of the "About Shannon" page.
Another possible response i considered was to create a website for youth, gathering resources on how they could respond both nationally and in their own local communities. But i kept running up against the concept, birthed in disability justice, that "nothing about us without us is for us" (PDF). And as much as i loved the idea of creating such a website, a white, middle-aged, queer person is probably not the right one for that job.
But it was not a big stretch to conceive of building a website that would bring together resources for adults who want to support queer and trans tweens and teens. So here i am, doing this as an individual, not as a part of a job or volunteer gig.
Those of us who've been around the block a few times in queer and trans communities or in direct service to young people have likely seen our fill of images of depressed and hopeless children and youth. We "around-the-blockers" all know, of course, that the reason those images exist is because they're accurate. The rates of depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicidality among queer and trans young people are very, very sobering.
But at the same time, there are also happy, secure, fully loved, and affirmed queer and trans young people.
I offer us images of (mostly) happy tweens and teens because, if that's what we want to see more of, we have to build a world where that's even more possible. We aren't there yet, at least not for way too many of our young people. And that's where you — where all of us — come in.
This website calls on adults to act. Every action that we take brings us one step closer to a world of innumerable happy queer and trans young people.
You can read much, much more about the photos included here on the All about R2T2's stock photos page. There's also a slideshow of some other great photos available. It includes the six slides on the opening page of Rainbow Tweens & Teens but has about 50 others. You don't want to miss it! There's even music you can turn on to make viewing them not only visually interesting but auditorally interesting, tool.
Reflecting Rainbow Tweens & Teens is not neutral. Those of us who are LGBTQA+/SGL are whole, healthy people with fulfilling lives. (Or, at least, we could be if there were way fewer haters out there.) There is nothing wrong with us.
The "other side" does not have a valid argument. Not one.
And there are two "other sides:"
One is the feminist one — but it's not my feminism. It's a feminism that says that women are determined by what a medical provider sees when quickly taking a look between a baby's legs at birth. It's a feminism that says that people with penises are inherently oppressive and that there are only two gender options. It's a feminism that says that letting "men" (read, trans women) into "women's" spaces (read, cis women's spaces) is a metaphorical assault or rape of cis women.
The other "other side" is the conservative one. And it says very much the same things: that someone's gender is determined by the sex they are assigned at birth, that there are only two gender options, that "men" (trans women) who use "women's" (cis women's) spaces will either assault/rape cis women or will offer assault-prone cis men an excuse to assault/rape cis women in women's spaces*.
* I want to note for the record that there have been no situations where trans women have assaulted cis women in bathrooms. And in jurisdictions that allow trans women to use women's bathrooms, there has been no increase in the number of cis women who have been assaulted by cis men in those bathrooms.
So the old truism is true here: as you go farther and farther to the political right or left, you eventually circle around and end up being the same thing.
I do want to acknowledge that "regular people" — those who have fear and hatred about queer and trans people and who may take related actions — are often feeling and acting in good faith, meaning that they are legitimately terrified of the changes they see queer or trans people bringing and as a result, some of them feel hatred toward us.
The people who are not feeling or acting in good faith are the politicians and religious leaders who openly manipulate and stoke this fear and hate to consolidate or maintain power, to raise money, to make themselves look righteous, or to characterize themselves as the only defenders of a "real America" for "real Americans."
But here's the thing: our existence is not up for debate. Our human and civil rights are not something that anyone should vote on — ever.
When queer and trans people are recognized for the beautiful, amazing people we are, when we are given (or take) the rights that we deserve, we are not "oppressing" our opponents.
Queer-antagonistic and trans-antagonistic (a phrase you'll find defined in the glossary) people, whether feminist or conservative, are not marginalized when queer and trans people can be ourselves fully, get jobs or promotions based on our skillsets, go to school without getting attacked, use the bathroom without having security called, play sports without having people wanting to inspect our genitals, walk to work without being sexually assaulted, go to clubs without getting shot….
Our opponents may be uncomfortable, but that's fine. I will "pay" for our right to exist as safe, fulfilled queer and trans people with others' discomfort in an instant and with nary a qualm. You can get over, even grow from, being uncomfortable; if you're dead, you're just dead.
If you're one of our opponents (and you've kept reading this far), i invite you to put your prejudices and discomfort aside. Get to know queer and trans people by reading our books and our blogs, by watching our movies and our TikToks, by listening to our music and TED Talks, by getting to know queer and trans people in your life…. You just may learn something, both about us and about the source of your discomfort. If you're uncomfortable, you have something to learn. Walk into that learning with an open heart and an open mind.
The debate about whether autistic people have a disability is hardly a new one. As someone who is neurotypical and not in a related field, it's one that i'm far from an expert in.
But i've been very sympathetic for decades to approaching disability with a "social model," as opposed to a "medical model." To summarize two complex perspectives, the social model says that someone is disabled by the way society both responds to them and does or doesn't meet their needs. The medical model is the more mainstream one and argues that people are disabled when their bodies and/or minds don't function in the "right" way. (Want more details? See some of the links below.)
Autistic people can -- sometimes individually but definitely as a community -- fit into both of these models. Many folx with autism can navigate the neurotypical world quite well, with or without accommodations for their particular differences from the neurotypical default, although that navigation can be exhausting. Other autistic people have a hard time regardless, such as folx who are overwhelmed by bright sunlight (an example that i'm shamelessly borrowing from a couple of the sites below). And some folx shift where they're at on this spectrum, depending on the day or the year.
In terms of queer and trans communities, we are graced with the presence of a disproportionate number of people on the autism spectrum. My survey results reflect this dynamic, with many respondents disclosing their autism, often with nuanced descriptions of the interplay between their queer/trans and autistic identities.
For these reasons, Reflecting Rainbow Tweens & Teens does not collapse autism into disability but also acknowledges that this isn't a separation that works for everyone. And that includes a couple survey respondents who characterized their autism as a disability. In those instances, i've followed those young people's lead.
For more on this debate, please see some of the resources below:
- Autism doesn't have to be viewed as a disability or disorder (Some of the language here is problematic. But the article still makes many good points.)
- Autism is NOT A Disability
- Autism itself actually isn't a disability': Negotiating a 'normal' versus 'abnormal' autistic identity (This is a journal article abstract.)
- Is autism a disability? (Emergent Divergence)
- Is Autism a Disability? (NeuroSpark Health)
- Is Autism Considered a Disability?
- About Autism (This piece doesn't engage in the debate referenced above but contains many beautifully stated points about autism and autistic people.)
You'll find additional relevant content on this R2T2 page about the correlation between autism and trans identities.
This project has had me fired up ever since i started to think about it in the fall of 2022. I've sunk more time and excitement into it than with any of my photography — a hobby that pre-dates R2T2 by about 15 years.
I've probably averaged 2-3 hours a day since i settled on this website as my way to respond to the growing attacks on our young people. Over the summer of 2023, i had to take 5 weeks away from R2T2 to catch up on some photo projects, and doing so liked to have killed me. I really missed working on this site! Other days, i've been able to spend 5+ hours devoted to this project
Reflecting Rainbow Tweens & Teens is, by far, the accomplishment i'm most proud of in my 52 years.
This website creation project has seen me through my first two (and, to date, only) covid infections, losing a job, taking on a temp position to get me through the end of 2023 and start of 2024, back to another round of unemployment, returning to the place where i temped but on a longer timeframe from 2024 and part of 2025, and into yet another round of unemployment. (Yes, that would be losing my job three times in fewer than two years. Ugh.)
The thought that i could make a difference for some folx is incredibly motivating. I haven't for one instant regretted what is probably about 2,325 hours i've put into Reflecting Rainbow Tweens & Teens.
The most important "why": Why the name?
This is the key and most nuanced part of this site's name.
Reflections do two things:
- They reflect an image back at someone or something, such as with a mirror; and
- They can also amplify an imagine, as when that mirror is used to bounce light from one part of a room to another.
Those are the two critical roles that this website asks adults to take on:
How can we reflect young people's identities back to them?
For those of us who share tweens' and teens' sexual orientation and/or gender identity, part of our job is to affirm them as "one of us," to welcome them into our communities, and to show them what their lives can be like as they grow into and progress through adulthood.
Regardless of our identities, we adults can and should affirm queer and trans young people as whole, healthy, and "enough." They live in a world that tells them constantly — sometimes multiple times an hour — that there's something wrong with them. What's wrong is not our tweens and teens; it's the messages they're receiving from blatantly queer-antagonistic and trans-antagonistic (a phrase you'll find defined in the glossary) culture and politics.
How can we reflect their light out into the world?
This is the other role that this website encourages us adults to take on. Before we go race out to support queer and trans young people, we need to stop and listen to them. What are they telling us about their lives? What do they need? And most importantly, how can we support the critical work they are already doing? How can we amplify their messages and their activism? Young people need adults to take direction from them. Are you ready?
This website offers concrete suggestions — hundreds of them, with thousands of supporting resources — for both of these kinds of reflecting.
So c'mon, adults: Let's reflect some rainbow tweens & teens!
Because rainbows!
As explained in "The Rainbow Flag" article, it's been a symbol of LGBTQA+/SGL communities since 1978. Also, i kinda' like making an adjective out of something that is almost always used as a noun.
I do want to acknowledge that, as many people have pointed out, the rainbow flag is not the trans pride flag. That rejection of falling under the rainbow is a direct response to trans-antagonism within LGBQA+/SGL communities (especially the L&G and, to a lesser extent, the B). These antagonisms are fortunately waning. But their legacy is and will continue to be felt for decades.
For better or worse, "Reflecting Rainbow & Many Other Flag Colors Tweens & Teens" or even "Reflecting Rainbow & Blue, Pink, & White Tweens & Teens" are just super awkward, wordy options.
So, trans folx (a word you'll find defined in the glossary), please forgive me for lumping us all under the rainbow!
Teens are becoming much more independent from their parents. One of the biggest "jobs" of adolescence involves youth separating themselves from their families -- not in a way that's inherently an outright rejection, although it can be a stage freighted with conflict and tension. Regardless of how easy or challenging it might be, adolescence is a time that lets teens start figuring out who they are outside of their nuclear family unit.
For those of us who survived being a teenager, many of us remember those feelings of discomfort, annoyance, anger, and sometimes outright hostility toward our parents in a way that we often knew, even then, wasn't totally reasonable. But we felt it all the same. Going out with friends, or even just being at school, could bring such relief.
Part of that separation process can include figuring out where one fits for sexual orientation and gender identity (concepts you'll find defined in the glossary). This can be either a confirmation of previously adopted identity/identities or a new discovery of self.
Tweens sit in a space between childhood and adolescence. They are beginning to develop independent ideas and can think in more nuanced ways than when they were children.
Unlike teens, who often have the option to go out with friends with no adults around, tweens are still often very reliant on their parents to get around and to manage their schedules of school, extracurricular activities, and friend playdates and sleepovers.
At the same time, tweens may also have enough experiences of self and others to easily recognize themselves under a queer and/or trans umbrella.
Additionally, many young people this age are primed to begin thinking about injustice in the world. While children are very centered on the "I," tweens' world and their understanding of it are ever-expanding.
So R2T2 focuses on tweens and teens who, to varying degrees based on stage and personality, can claim a marginalized (a term you'll find defined in the glossary) identity and fight for justice. And those are things that we, as adults, can actively support and encourage. That is the role this website seeks to enable.
Children are beyond the scope of this website since their life experiences are radically different from those of tweens' and teens'. While tweens and teens have hugely different lives as they go through their developmental stages, both groups of young people have some capacity to think and identify independently of their parents.
Queer and trans children need help, too, of course. But they're young enough that they're not out in the world doing a whole lot by themselves. Fortunately, there are several organizations doing fantastic work for queer and trans children.
"Empowerment" isn't a word i use a whole lot.
It tends to show up in super problematic ways -- like how Westerners/Northerners/white people/etc. will "empower" women in developing countries. The assumption here is that these women can't empower themselves; they need someone from the outside to come in and do it for them. This keeps women of color dependent on others and denies their ability to change their own lives, if only they had the funding and political power to carry it out.
Adults, though, are a different beast entirely. By virtue of their very adulthood, adults have power already over children, tweens, teens, and younger adults. Parents have power over children. Educators have power over students. Healthcare providers have power over their patients and clients. In fact, if you look at the groups mentioned in the "Ideas for..." section of R2T2, every one of those groups, except friends and coworkers, has inherent power over young people.
In reality, of course, power is not always so clear-cut. Adults have power based on their status as adults. But they may not have power in other ways, such as their race, immigration status, educational level, disability, and, yes, sexual orientation and gender identity. This dynamic is part of the intersectionality defined in the glossary. R2T2 speaks to adults as adults and focuses on their adult-power.
It's powerful to speak about empowering a group with power. It acknowledges that people in power have things they could and should do better. It implies that people in power have things to learn from those over whom they have power. In the case of Reflecting Rainbow Tweens & Teens, it calls on adults to listen to and follow the lead of young people. Speaking about empowering those in power, if it's heard, immediately humbles those in power.
So, adults, humble yourselves to listen to the voices of queer and trans tweens and teens you'll find throughout R2T2 -- and the voices of those in your own life. Following their lead is your most effective and ethical way to make change.
Other questions
[After some great feedback from an R2T2 visitor, i'm now intentionally adding more intersex and Two-Spirit content to this website. I'll update this FAQ once i've done so. But, for the moment, know that it's in process!]
It's true that, in R2T2, you will see me use “LGBTQA+/SGL.” I’m intentionally leaving off the "2S" (for Two-Spirit) and the "I" (for intersex, which you'll find defined in the glossary). Both of those groups do very much belong in queer and trans communities; the intersections between our movements’ goals are massive.
But in each case, it’s not clear to me that the larger LGBTQA+/SGL community understands the overlaps and, especially in the case of intersex folx, whether people who claim those labels even want to be a part of this movement.
By way of illustration: of the 579 college groups i contacted around my survey, only four of them include “intersex” or “I” in their names.
And the racism directed at indigenous peoples by not only our larger culture in the US but also within LGBTQA+/SGL communities is deep and, often, totally unexamined. We are not necessarily a welcoming space for Two-Spirit folx.
So for those of you who are Two-Spirit and/or intersex, please know that i welcome and celebrate your presence in this movement — if you want to be here.
Thank you! I'm glad you like it, too. 😀
In thinking about how i wanted R2T2 to look, i knew i wanted a logo -- something distinct and memorable. But i also knew i didn't want to use AI to get one. I did put "Reflecting Rainbow Tweens & Teens" into a free online logo maker, just to see what it would come up with. It had some interesting ideas, but i wanted something designed by a human being.
So i poked around online and found out that you can hire someone to create a logo for well under $500. I settled on DesignHill, where i could get a logo, business card, and Facebook-style header image for a very decent rate. I won't go into the details of the process. But i ended up with 58 people submitting 134 logo ideas. Some of them were amazing -- and some of them were amazingly terrible.
What i hadn't anticipated was that people who would throw their hat into the ring to design a logo for $350 or so were almost entirely from the Global South; checking profiles of the people who submitted, i found that only one was from the US, and no other Global North country was represented.
This isn't inherently a problem; the talents of people in the Global South are so frequently overlooked. What it points out, though, is that folx living in countries where they earn significantly less money are more willing to work for a relative pittance. So there is a definite exploitation -- and "ick" -- aspect of this kind of service.
I'm super happy with the logo i ended up selecting. It's way better than anything AI could have come up with. But the geopolitical and economic dynamics that became clear through this process are, yeah, ick.
Kind of.
Where there are country-specific resources, i'm using almost exclusively sites based in the United States. That's not because folx elsewhere don't need a website like this; it's that doing something that expands beyond US borders is very much beyond my capacity.
However, there are links to non-US organizations when they provide relevant information or have other resources to contribute.
Most of the suggestions in R2T2 on how to support queer and trans young people are relevant in many countries and cultures, although you may need to make changes based on your specific location and cultural context.
Absolutely! I've been a proud feminist since 6th grade, when my best friend at the time informed me that women earned less than men in the workplace. Since then, my feminism has grown and expanded many times over. But it's always been there, a huge part of who i am.
My feminism now proclaims, with no qualms or hesitation, that trans women are women, that biology is not destiny, that the fight for trans rights is a feminist fight, and that that struggle stands to benefit everyone of all genders — including cis women and men.
So, yes, this site is a feminist one. My feminist, queer, and trans lenses inform everything here, just like they color everything in my life.
It doesn't matter if being queer or trans is a choice or is biologically determined; we deserve rights because we're human — just like people deserve rights based on their religion, which is a choice and not biologically determined.
We don't need to end gender; we need to end the binary sex/gender system that says that everyone's gender is determined by what's between their legs at birth, that there are only two sexes and two genders, and that no one can change their sex or gender. So, yes, women and men will still get to exist. But so will all of the rest of us.
First, thanks so much for thinking this website is important enough for a donation of your time or money! I'm just one lone person doing this on my time outside of my "real" job. So i don't need any funds. And i don’t have a structure to work with others on this project.
If you'd like to make a contribution of your time or treasure, please see the lists of very worthy national organizations in the resources for youth and resources for adults sections. You can also look for organizations doing amazing work in your state or local community.
I don't need your time or money. But so, so many others do!
For me, i'd be ecstatic if you would spread the word about this website. I don't need to be famous or go viral (both of which sound pretty terrible). But i do want R2T2 to get out there to help as many folx as possible.
