Glossary: LGBTQA+/ SGL vocabulary and definitions

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

These are critical in a website about young people. Here's how i'm using these terms:

Children

• Anyone 2-8 years old. This usage doesn't come up much in this site focused on tweens and teens.
• However, there are 3 other situations when i use "children" intentionally:
  • "Children and youth" refers to anyone 2-18 years old. In this case, tweens are a part of "children."
  • "Children" when designating a relationship with parent(s), where "children" refers to someone of any age.
  • Compound words using "children:" "stepchildren," "grandchildren," and "foster children" (which, okay, isn't a compound word). "Age-adjusting" these terms — "grandtweens," "foster teens," or "stepyouth" — sounds awkward.

Tweens

• Anyone 9-12 years old.

Teens

• Anyone 13-18 years old.

Youth

• Anyone 13-18 years old.

Young people

• Anyone 9-18 years old, thus encompassing both tweens and teens.

Younger adults

• Anyone 19-25 years old.
• Since "young adult" often refers to a style of literature that's meant for teens, not adults, i tend to shy away from using that phrase to refer to actual adults.

1. The centering of life around adult needs and desires.
2. The belief that adults are more valuable than children, tweens, and teens.
3. The accompanying marginalization (defined below) of the needs and wants of children, tweens, and teens.
4. The institutional enforcement of #1-3 above.
5. The stereotypes that many adults have of teens (they're resentful, lazy, rebellious, social media-obsessed, smart phone-dependent, selfish, impulsive….)
6. Referring to teens as "children," when a 17-year-old bears little resemblance to a 7-year-old.

You'll find much more nuanced definitions in the two articles below:

1. Adultism and Its Impact on Youth and Adult Spaces
2. Understanding Adultism

These words sometimes get used interchangeably, although they are actually quite different. The sources below can explain it better than i ever could:

On the differences between these words in a white, anti-racist context, see Opportunities for White People in the Fight for Racial Justice: Moving from Actor --> Ally --> Accomplice. (Note that this webpage has some questionable color combinations that violate even the most basic contrast rules for accessibility.)

And within the context of education, read Ally or Accomplice? The Language of Activism.

As Colleen Clemens states so eloquently and succinctly in the second article linked above:

"An ally will mostly engage in activism by standing with an individual or group in a marginalized community. An accomplice will focus more on dismantling the structures that oppress that individual or group—and such work will be directed by the stakeholders in the marginalized group."

In other words, in the context of R2T2, allies will stand with queer & trans tweens & teens at things like rallies and marches. Accomplices will follow these young people's direction in how to break down or radically change structures like schools and Christianity (parts of which are discussed below) that keep queer & trans youth oppressed.

There is, of course, a useful role for both allies and accomplices in any social justice movement. But it's important for straight and cis people to be intentional about which role(s) they want to fulfill, when, and why.

There are lots of places in Reflecting Rainbow Tweens & Teens where i'm using either "and" or "or" because too much "and/or" is awkward as heck.

For instance, "Teachers should support their queer and/or trans students by modifying their curriculum and/or by supporting the creation of a GSA. In doing this work, faculty at public and/or private schools can improve their overall school climate and/or their classroom environment."

Ugh. No. Just no.

So if i'm using just "and" or just "or," you can be assured that usually the other one would work, too. Read such statements with the word that's the most relevant to your life.

Also, see the "pluralization" explanation below for similar choices i had to make.

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

These phrases refer to particular kinds of conservative Christianity:

• Christian evangelicals
• Christian fundamentalists
• Christian nationalists*

*For a fascinating and trenchant analysis of Christian nationalism specifically, see this podcast series: The Dangers of Christian Nationalism.

So as you can see, these terms are not all the same. However, they overlap significantly in the US. As a result, you will find me referring to them all at once throughout this site; the nuances between these groups aren't germane for our purposes.

I want to emphasize that Christians in no way have a lock on the market for working against LGBTQA+/SGL people. Conservatives of all religious stripes, as well as agnostic and atheist conservatives, can fight just as hard against us achieving not just liberation but even a modicum of basic respect and some fundamental rights. And there are many queer and trans people and our allies/accomplices within all religious communities.

However, i'm focusing on Christians in R2T2 since there are so many more of them in the US. Consequently, they hold political and cultural power that conservatives of other faiths do not.

And, of course, it's equally important to acknowledge that not all conservative Christians are queer- or trans-antagonistic. (Go to this part of R2T2 to find comments from my survey-takers related to this point.) But there is a strong correlation here: the more deeply religious someone is, the more likely they are to be fighting against us.

An abbreviation of "cisgender and heterosexual" (people who are, respectively, neither transgender nor queer) Pronounced "siss het."

See the definition of "cisgender" immediately below.

Pronounced "siss-gender," this term refers to people whose internal sense of gender corresponds with the gender they were assigned at birth. In other words, these people are not trans.

"Cisgender" is not an insult; it's merely a way of naming a group of people -- a group that has incredible power over trans folx. And people in power should be named just like people who are marginalized (which you'll find explained below) because, without being able to label a group, we can't examine how or why they're the way they are. In higher education, this is sometimes referred to as "studying up."

And if we don't have "cisgender," then cis people get to be just "normal." And if you've read even a little bit in R2T2, you won't be surprised to know that i reject the idea that queer and trans people are "abnormal deviations;" our sexual orientations and gender identities are a normal part of the human experience and have been for millennia.

The coming out process happens on two levels:

1. A person questions their identity, finds new label(s) that fit better, and reimages their life with this new identity.
2. That person tells other people about this change.

This process can happen multiple times throughout the course of someone's life. And the specifics can be impacted by someone's religion, whether they're a tween or teen, the relative liberalness or conservatism of their community, and a host of other factors.

But whether it happens once or a dozen times, it's necessitated by two things in our culture (however you define "our"):

1. Our assumption that everyone is straight and cisgender until proven otherwise; and
2. Being in a culture where we want our authentic identities to be recognized.

When folx come out, they can be met with reactions spanning from joy and celebration to rape and murder — yes, even today.

Another important component of coming out is how it's impacted by some young people's rejection of labels.

In these situations, a tween or teen may still come out but may do so without a convenient word to describe their identity/identities. This young person's identity is still valid, even if they don't have a label that you (or they) might find helpful.

You'll also find helpful information in the "self-disclosure" explanation in the first Level-Setting section.

Used in the singular, "community" implies that there's one LGBTQA+/SGL community to which everyone belongs. In reality, LGBTQA+/SGL people are divided in numerous ways, including:

• Race and ethnicity
• Class
• Age/generation
• Education level
• Nationality
• Immigration status
• Language(s) spoken
• Political affiliation
• Geography
  1. Local community
  2. State
  3. Country
  4. Rurality/urbanity
• Disability
  1. Intellectual
  2. Physical
  3. Sensory
  4. Neurodivergent (Whether neurodiversity belongs under the category of "disability" is up for debate.)
  5. Mental health status
• Yes, even
  1. Sexual orientation
  2. Gender identity
  3. Gender expression

Oppressed people have just as many prejudices as non-oppressed people and are just as likely to act on them if their personality leans that way.

Using "communities" in the plural acknowledges all of these differences and fractures.

An alternate abbreviation for "for example." It’s replaced the previously more common "ex."

When intentionally capitalized, "Family" refers to anyone who is LGBTQA+/SGL.

The term comes from the widespread rejection of LGBTQA+/SGL people by their families of origin, especially in the twentieth century, which has lead many to form families of choice.

When defined in this way, "Family" is a term that should be used only by LGBTQA+/SGL people to refer mostly to other LGBTQA+/SGL people.

A respelling of "folks" that emphasizes gender-neutrality or gender non-binaryness. Similar to the use of  "Latinx," although "folx" came first.

You can find a fascinating article on "folx" and other uses of "x" to denote gender non-binaryness here: "What You Need To Know About the Letter 'X' in Words Like Folx, Womxn, and Latinx."

Note, however, an alternative view on using this term from one of my survey-takers:

"Personally I've found that the use of terms ending in -x to include trans people tend to do the opposite of their intentions. Especially with the term 'folx,' I feel as a trans person that we are already included in 'folks' or other gender neutral terms, so using 'folx' instead implies that we aren't normal people and need to be explicitly included, kind of like saying 'people and others.' While I appreciate the intention behind using that terminology, it can feel somewhat patronizing and it feels more constructive to accept trans people as included in 'folks' or 'people' instead of creating new terms."

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

You can also see the definitions in "Sexual orientation vs. gender identity vs. gender assignment" below.

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

A horrible, insidious stereotype that LGBTQA+/SGL adults are sexually abusing young people and somehow turning straight, cis children, tweens, and teens queer and trans (but especially turning them trans). Not only is this patently false, but the term is used to make straight, cis people think that we're terrifying, criminal predators out in search of young people to prey upon.

This term is lobbed at people who are LGBTQA+/SGL on a daily basis, including by Donald Trump and his followers. I cannot stress enough the damage this stereotype does to those of us who are queer or trans.

Do. not. use. this. term.

I've seen "refinement" suggested as an alternative. I don't that i love it. Hopefully, one of R2T2's readers knows of other options. If you do, please let me know.

For what the term actually refers to:

• Grooming and Red Flag Behaviors

Other suggestions:

• Accusations of 'grooming' are the latest political attack — with homophobic origins
• The 'Groomer' Slur
• NEW REPORT: Anti-LGBTQ+ Grooming Narrative Surged More Than 400% on Social Media Following Florida’s ‘Don’t Say Gay or Trans’ Law, As Social Platforms Enabled Extremist Politicians and their Allies to Peddle Inflamatory, Discriminatory Rhetoric
• Online Anti-LGBTQ Hate Terms Defined: “Groomer”
• Why Misusing ‘Groomer’ as a Political Smear Is Especially Dangerous

While there's not a lot on Reflecting Rainbow Tweens & Teens about me, you may have noticed that i use "i" instead of "I." If you did, you may be wondering why i never correct this obvious error.

I've used "i" (except at the beginning of a sentence, just like this one) for decades because capitalizing only "I" strikes me as very reflective of the self-centeredness of so much of Western culture: "I" am more important that "you," "she," "he," "it," "we," or "they."

Writing "i" is an intentional rejection of that self-centeredness.

See the explanation of this term in the "Chromosomes (intersex)" entry in the first Level-Setting section.

This is the concept that, when people have more than one marginalized identity (you'll fine "marginalization" defined immediately below), they may experience multiple oppressions at once, and that has the impact of multiplying the oppression someone feels. So, for instance, someone who is a trans, Black, immigrant, disabled tween will experience trans-antagonistic, racist, xenophobic, ableist, and ageist discrimination, possibly all at once. In contrast, someone who is only trans may experience solely trans-antagonistic discrimination.

Relatedly, "intersectionality" also refers to the fact that people who are "multiply marginalized" experience all of their identities at once. So, in our hypothetical situation above, the young person who is trans, Black, an immigrant, and disabled lives all of those realities all the time and likely can't separate one from the other.

The term "intersectionality" was coined in 1989 by Kimberlé Crenshaw, a professor of law at Colombia University and the University of California Los Angeles. You can read more about Crenshaw and the term at some of the sites below:

• The Roots of Intersectionality
• Kimberlé Crenshaw on Intersectionality, More than Two Decades Later
• The intersectionality wars

You can also find explanations and examples of intersectionality from some of my survey-takers.

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

• Intentionally keeping a group from getting the resources its members need to live fulfilled, successful lives.
• Treating a group as unimportant.
• Denying a person or group access to power or influence.

You'll find more detail and nuance in the article, "What Does Marginalized Mean and Why Does it Matter?"

Non-binary is an overarching term for a host of identities, including genderqueer, which you'll find defined above.

Some folx use the abbreviation "NB," which is an appropriation of an abbreviation for "not Black" in the context of discussing people of color. For that reason, you won't see me using "nb" here unless I'm quoting someone else.

If you want an in-depth look at the not-very-distinct-at-least-to-me differences between "non-binary" vs. "genderqueer," take a look at #TuesdayTerms: Gender Fluid, Genderqueer, Non-Binary, Agender.

You'll often find me referring here to "our" children, tweens, and/or teens. This is for two reasons:

1. As a queer, non-binary adult, these young people are part of my/our community. I have a special place for them in my heart. I want their lives to be as fulfilling and affirming as possible. They are mine/ours  in a way they are not straight and cis people's, even their parents'. (And, of course, they are their parents' in a way that they are not mine/ours.)
2. Those of us who are adults, no matter our sexual orientation or gender identity, need to take more responsibility for improving the lives of the queer and trans young people in our world. It is well past time to step up. Our children, tweens, and teens are waiting for us to join them.

These young people are not only our future; they are also our present. They deserve lives filled with love and support not just so they can become amazing adults but so their lives, right here, right now, are as comfortable and safe as the lives that most straight and cis young people take for granted.

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

Similar to my note about my use of "and/or," which i discuss above, i started writing the text for Reflecting Rainbow Tweens & Teens with a lot of s's in parentheses — like "parent(s)," "teen(s)," and the like. But like using a lot of "and/or," that quickly becomes awkward to read, especially when coupled with verbs that i should, to be accurate and consistent, have written as, for instance, ”love(s)” — such as "Parent(s) love(s) their young people."

Ugh. No.

So i've generally used only singular noun/verb pairs or only plural pairs. This is way easier for, frankly, everyone. But please know that i'm not meaning to exclude people if a plural noun/verb pair makes more sense for you. Nor do i want to over-include people if a singular noun/verb pair is more appropriate for your experience. Please read each sentence however makes the most sense.

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

I use these terms, with a few exceptions, instead of "homophobia" or "transphobia." Here's why:

Often, these feelings aren't about fear; they're about hatred. (Fear and hatred, of course, can be directly or indirectly connected)

Perhaps more importantly, as Pax Ahimsa Gethen points out in "International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia," using "-phobia" risks further stigmatizing folx who have psychiatric phobias. However, the author does point out that fear against queer and trans people can be real and cites recent bathroom legislation as an example.

I make my exceptions when quoting someone else, especially my survey-takers. "Homophobia" or "transphobia" are widely used terms. So avoiding them completely isn't realistic.

A few other sites defining these terms are below:

• Transphobia
• Trans-Antagonism
• Anti-Oppression: Anti-Transmisia

See the explanation of how "sex" can be used in the first Level-Setting section.

These aspects of human identity can be confusing to many who aren't in LGBTQA+/SGL communities — and even to those who are.

Sexual orientation refers to the kind(s) of people, if any, whom someone is sexually or romantically attracted to. The most common examples are straight/heterosexual, lesbian, gay, bisexual, pansexual, queer, and asexual.

Gender assignment is the label we're given when we're born, when a doctor or midwife takes a quick glance between our legs and declares us a girl or a boy, determined solely by whether a penis is readily apparent.

Gender identity, in contrast, is how each one of us experiences our gender on the inside. Most people are cisgender (pronounced "siss-gender"), meaning that the gender label they were given at birth is a comfortable fit for them. For others of us, however, that label is not a good fit, either from the time we're very young or as we get older. Those of us in that group fall under the umbrella of "transgender" or "trans." There are multiple more specific identities under the trans label, many which are explored in these resources on vocabulary and identities.

You may get lost in the labels if you're new to this, and that's okay. It will get easier the longer you've been thinking about these things. The most important thing to know is that every one of us — straight and queer, cis and trans — have both a sexual orientation and a gender identity. For example, some people are straight (sexual orientation) women (gender identity). Others are bisexual (sexual orientation) men (gender identity) or pansexual (sexual orientation) genderqueers (gender identity). Sexual orientation and gender identity are not the realm of only queer and trans people; they are identities that impact all humans.

Check out this table for more illustrations of people having both a sexual orientation and a gender identity.

See the explanation of "sexuality" in the first Level-Setting section.

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

As explained in "What Does 'Sic' Mean? How to Use 'Sic' Properly:"

"When used after the quoted material, 'sic' indicates that the words preceding it are an exact transcription from the original source, including any spelling mistakes, non-standard spelling, or grammatical errors."

Used very rarely here. But it's super useful when needed.

An abbreviation for "transgender and gender non-conforming."

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

See the explanation of this term in the first Level-Setting section.

As Dean Spade points out in "Some Very Basic Tips for Making Higher Education More Accessible to Trans Students and Rethinking How We Talk about Gendered Bodies" (PDF), we should avoid referring to people by phrases such as "bio girls" or "biological boys." These terms reinforce the assumption that gender is biological and not social.

People who are cisgender can be referred to as "cis men" or "cis women." Their gender identities come from inside themselves, not from their bodies — just like people who are trans.

Folx who are trans should never be referred to like the examples below:

• A trans woman is not a "biological man."
• A trans man is not a "biological woman."
• Nonbinary people are also not "biological women" or "biological men."
• Both phrases disrespect people's experiences of self and imply that their identities are determined by bodies.

See Spade's article linked above for much more eloquent arguments.

No. No, no, no, no, no!

This word is generally reserved for feminine cis boys and men -- and it's rarely used as a compliment. Its existence is proof that feminine men are so culturally horrifying that they need their own term. This take on femininity merely illustrates how it's valued so much less than masculinity. After all, a tomboy cis girl is cute; a feminine cis boy is anything but.

Men can be feminine just like women -- and they have as much right to be feminine as women. There is no need for a femme-phobic term like "effeminate."

No. No, no, no, no, no!

Cis people do not have names and pronouns they "prefer." They have names and pronouns, period.

This is not like me loving a lot of flavors of ice cream (which i do). And while Phish Food is seriously my all-time favorite (thanks, Ben & Jerry's), i'll happily eat others if there's no B&J's around.

Names and pronouns are not minor things; they are words that reflect deep-seated identities for both cis and trans folks. So the only time on this website you'll see the word "preferred" proceed either term is if i'm quoting someone else directly.

Please do the same in how you speak and write!

Here are some of the other trans-related terms that are problematic. If you're not trans, don't use them unless you're directly quoting someone else.

• Transgendered
• Tranny
• Transvestite
• Transsexual
• He-she
• She-male
• It

You can find these and other terms defined at the following sites:

• 9 problematic phrases you may not have realized are transphobic
• Glossary of Terms: Transgender (see the second half of the page for words and phrases to avoid)
• Questionable Questions About Transgender Identity
• Transvestite, Transsexual, Transgender: Here's what you should actually call trans people

Also, regarding sexual orientation and sex, don't use

• Intercourse (Ugh. I can't think of a less sexy way of describing sex. Use this word only when discussing heterosex in a conservative context that focuses exclusively on reproduction and that condemns the existence of sex purely for pleasure.)