A young Black person who presents as a girl has long braids and is wrapped in a rainbow flag.
By ivanmorenosl at Envato Elements.

This page is unique among the others in the "Ideas for..." section of R2T2.

I originally hadn't even thought about including it. But as i was working through my survey results, pulling quotes for the blue call-out boxes you see throughout, i realized that my survey-takers' messages for LGBTQA+/SGL adults were going to only rarely fit into the other pages here.

I simultaneously realized that the two other LGBTQA+/SGL adults-specific webpages (linked at the very bottom of this page) probably weren't sufficient. And i was right.

This page is organized differently from the other "Ideas for..." and "Use your..." ones. Instead of being structured around broader concepts, this page centers the themes that came up in survey-taker responses. Each theme features bullets with main points, followed by anywhere from 4 to 22 survey-taker quotes. The top of each section has several bullets summarizing the content you'll find there.

In some cases, those quotes could have gone in more than one place here. But for simplicity's sake (and length!), i've only included them once.

For how i crafted these quotes, see What i changed in survey-takers’ responses and What i didn't change.

I've occasionally added links to online resources that support points made by the young people quoted. But there's not much of that because many of the thoughts below, while absolutely true, aren't necessarily supported by non-academic sources.

To see more thoughts on ways LGBTQA+/SGL adults can and do support queer and trans young people (and, in some instances, to see a full quote), please visit this page to hear the ideas and feelings of my survey-takers.

Note that while the blue call-out boxes throughout the rest of R2T2 can be clicked to take you to additional information on my survey, the quotes below are not linked to anything else.

Accept, support, listen.

  • Welcome us with open arms.
  • Relate and be relatable.
  • It's often easier to confide in you.
  • Be/give/make space.
  • Treat my identity like it's normal.
  • See us.
  • Mentor us.
  • I don't have anyone else to confide in.
"The adults that are affirming are caring and kind and listen to what I need and want. They help provide resources and guide me to make smart decisions."
"They provide a place where I can be myself without being scared of causing fights or being in trouble, and having someone who can relate to my situation is really important to me."
"It's harder talking to other neurodivergent queer people because our experiences can be identical or VASTLY different."
"Their kindness and willingness to assist me in finding myself has made me a better version of myself."
"Sometimes I wish they would be there for me and offer support and love rather than offering solutions and trying to fix problems."
"queer kids need a community that they can learn about themselves in, as well as others to learn from. Like anyone else."
"in general i just have a much easier time connecting with other queer people. part of that is just having a shared context, some commonality to connect over. visible non-cisness signals someone who understands one of my most life defining perspectives already."
"I am trans and having trans adults in my life to speak to about trans issues is healing."
"They don't question my experience. I can skip the long process of explaining myself and be understood from the start. It's very comforting and takes less energy."
"It is really valuable when they take the time to talk to me, especially when I have nobody to talk to."
"There is often a silent agreement between us that we have many shared experiences because of our identities."
"Honestly I want to talk to people that identify differantly than me. I can understand why they have their opinions and they mine."
"I don't know if I would feel more comfortable talking to an autistic trans adult. I don't know any and I prefer to talk to people I already know."
"They welcome me with open arms. I always feel like I am wanted in a space with LGBTQA+/same-gender loving adults."
"My school counselor talks with me about things i bring up, she affirms me when i feel complicated and she treats my crush like a normal thing."
"I want to be a part of the community more but its scary because I feel like a fake or like Im less valid for being younger."
"Their support means everything."
"i find that i am always more comfortable with people whom i share an identity with, especially since i know some lgbtqia+ people dont think aro/ace people deserve to be in the community."
"I prefer to confide in adults who are also trans because I feel like they aren't inherently uncomfortable with who I am."
"I'd like to be able to confide in queer and trans adults because they have a better capacity to empathize with my problems. It just isn't the same with cis and heterosexual adults. I think I'd feel a lot more comfortable with queer and trans adults, I feel confidence that they'll keep me safe and won't ever judge me. I wish I could've had queer and trans adults to look up to growing up (I'm almost 18)."
"They show support when they respect that I'm not out to many people, and check with me about which name and pronoun set they should use with other people."
"I do find it easier to connect with adults who share major aspects of my identity, but I also have connected very well with people who weren't similar to me. I think it depends on individuals' willingness to learn about and accept those who are different from them."

Be visible.

  • I see my future in your present.
  • Be out! Represent!
  • I really need to meet you.
  • I want to see you everywhere.
  • If you're succeeding, I know I can succeed.
"They live their lives openly and proudly, creating a future that I can see for myself through their example."
"It can be extremely powerful for younger people to see how they live their life and that it is possible to be happy, especially when their whole life they were told they would never be happy if they were part of the LGBTQA community."
"Just seeing them in public or showing up to events brings me to the verge of tears. It's a sign that people can make it, that we can be happy, and that we've been around for a long time. I'm in college now, and the vast majority of my friends are queer, but we're all in our 20s. It is so so special to see LGBTQA+/same-gender loving folks that are decades older than us, because it is easy to forget that they are here too with how little I get to see them, both out and about as well as in the media."
"Just seeing LGBTQA+ adults being open about their identities is unbelievably empowering to me--it gives me a sense of hope for my own future."
"i havent interacted with many queer adults in my life so far."
"Ive never met a trans adult."
"I have lesbian aunts and they're awesome but they're not really close with my family. I'm not out to them but I'm sure they know because I'm kind of obvious about it haha."
"It's really hard to find anything about asexuality, and growing up I've always felt like something was wrong with me. Put yourself out there, I know it's hard but it's something young ace people could definitely use."
"I prefer talking to trans adults any day, and autistic adults as well. Unfortunately, I do not know any trans autistic adults, but I have a few friends who are both trans and autistic like me, and I do prefer talking to them and am more likely to open up."
"Anytime I see a trans adult, specifically one with grey hair, I feel hopeful that I can live that long and have a happy life. Older LGBTQ people are hope that I can make it that far."
"visibly being urself is 100% gonna help some queer kid in ur vicinity who's too nervous to tell u how much it means to them."
"it is extremely empowering to see ourselves reflected in the adults around us. I was so inspired by the first openly trans teacher I had. Representation really is all that it is made out to be, and if you are in a place where you can disclose your LGBTQA+ identity, it will help a young LGBTQ+ person."
"They went through many of the things I am going through and they are proof that there's a light to the end of the tunnel."
"i've only met one trans adult in person and they were non-binary like me. it felt so much easier to talk to them because i didn't have to hold back my personality."
"I don't know many other trans people personally, and the ones I know I barely see at all."
"you might be the only other queer person that a queer and trans child knows."
"I can't do everything by myself. Queer youth need support from older generations and we need to see ourselves represented in public settings."

Teach but don't preach.

  • We have so much we can learn from you.
  • Recognize that everything isn't easy for us today.
  • Be patient with us.
  • Don't lecture us.
  • Your work made us possible.
"They provide a safe space for me and my same gender partner. They support how I want to express and explore my identity. They are patient and listen."
"We are just as queer as you. We don't need you to quiz us on queer history or challenge our knowledge."
"A lot of young queer people are still learning and figuring things out not only within themselves but also about queer history in general. It is unfair to hold teenagers to the same standard as adults who have had a lot more time to figure things out."
"your queer experience growing up is not the same as kids' experience today, and as long as kids are safe and happy, let them explore gender and sexuality as they want!"
"Sometimes I've heard from LGBTQ adults that they had to exist in a more conservative world than we do today, and there is some merit to that. People recognize our identities now more than then. However, there are still adults who fight against our right to get healthcare, to use a bathroom comfortably, to be out in public, to exist in a world they think they own."
"We aren't less valid because we've struggled less than you. It's what you were fighting for, better lives for us all. We appreciate everything you've done to fight."
"Queer and trans children aren't going to know everything about LGBT+ history (especially in the US) and might have uninformed opinions on certain topics. Patience is key."
"i need advice and guidance and i want to be able to come to you for it."
"the LGBTQA+ adults in my life seem pretty judgmental of queer youth and how 'easy' we have it. and yes I know they lived through a time where gay marriage wasn't legal and the aids crisis. but things are still very hard for queer youth now. with trans rights being taken away and don't say gay bills still being passed. I just think that a LGBTQA+ adult who lived through hard times as well should be understanding of queer struggles today and provide guidance for scared queer youth."
"I struggle with body image in relation to my gender identity. Sometimes the best way to help someone struggling with gender dysphoria is to listen instead of telling me how much harder getting gender affirming care used to be."
"It would be helpful to get a sense of what adult life is like for people like me in a more legal/practical sense, like what having your legal gender be recognized as non-binary over male or female would mean for healthcare, insurance, employment etc."
"Their help has assisted me in becoming who I am today."
"We are out and proud and loud because of LGBTQ+ adults who have paved the way for us."
"Please teach me more skills and talk openly about your binding, gender affirming procedures, etc."
"We're still figuring it out! Sexuality is very fluid and we sometimes don't know everything about our sexualities and genders just yet. Be patient!"

Learn from and be humble with us. Grow with and from us.

"Feel free to ask me if I think that person is attractive or do I think that celebrity is cute, etc."
"being middle eastern/arab means my culture is far less accepting of me being queer and non-binary than yours. people assume i'm muslim (i'm not religious) and assume things about me from there. my movement is the same as yours, but my identity isn't the same. i have no voice or power in my community, i'm outcast from almost every adult, and i have no representation. i'm the same as you, but i have no way to show it because i'm cut off from my people."
"It is incredibly encouraging when they try to learn about new identities and not get stuck with what they saw as LGBT+ 'norms' of their times."
"How I understand things like gender, transness, and queerness is likely going to be different from the way older LGBTQ generations do."
"It's possible to be trans and queer and one doesn't take away from the other."
"We're breaking down gender norms and social barriers at an unprecedented level, and that's a good thing. I know that many adults are proud of our work, and many remember how they fought for these same issues at Stonewall and other protests, but there are also a few LGBTQIA+ adults who believe that queerness is a thing to be accepted, but hidden and made to conform with other social norms, and we're seeing a rejection of that compromise on a wider scale."
"Many of the experiences I've had with older cis queer people have been very transphobic towards me, and I think more education around trans issues needs to be given to them."
"Your trauma is not always our trauma."
"nonbinary lesbian is not a contradictory label."
"Aro and ace people DO face oppression from many of the same systems that oppress other queer folk as well as other forms of oppression. It may seem 'new' compared to homosexuality and transness, but it really isn't."
"The lgbt+ community has changed a lot since they were young. There will be many labels you don't understand and that's okay. You don't have to understand everyone's identity, you just have to be supportive."
"we're a lot more like you than you think."
"We aren't afraid to answer questions, we won't get offended if you want to know more about us."
"Words are changing a LOT. There are some words that are still being seen as derogatory by older generations (namely 'queer' and 'fruit') that are being reclaimed by the younger generations. Instead of automatically pulling back when you hear those words, try to ask questions and learn our perspective. Neither one of us is necessarily right, it's just a matter of understanding where people are coming from and what is causing the context to change."

Own your prejudices -- and do better.

  • See our need for labels.
  • Own your ageism.
  • Accept that labels sometimes change generationally.
  • Be more open-minded.
  • We need to stay (or get) united.
"Sometimes queer POC adults assume queer POC teens are the same as them and dont believe they could be experiencing different things."
"Okay so I'm mixed race and it saddens me that there is racism within the community as we should be united but instead we're kinda not."
"AroAce is a real identity, too many of you erase aro or ace people from the community and it hurts."
"while it is imperative that we have adults to look up to and learn from, young people should not be looked down upon."
"I would appreciate if my genderqueerness was taken seriously and not treated as a burden."

"The older cis gay men that I have met need to really check their language around trans youth. We know what is transphobic better than they do, because we live it every day."

"We are just as valid as any adult."
"We aren't 'ruining the community' by having new labels and identities. It's ok if people find new ways to describe their experience."
"we are not faking or following a trend. We are just trying to figure ourselves and our identities out."
"I'm still scared to come out to people even if they are lgbtq as I still fear them not respecting my identity as there is sometimes in fighting in the lgbtq community where bi people like me can feel outcasted by gay people and straights and bi erasure is a thing and that also happens with some lgbtq people and the trans community."
"It is not okay to step back from and 'disown' members of your own community. I, as an older teen (I'm 16), have already had my own moments of not associating with the community due to conflicts such as confusions about terms, definitions, labels, and validity. However, we should not turn our back on others who are vulnerable as well and should instead try to find common ground and focus on helping everyone achieve peace."
"My neurodivergence plays a lot into my queerness and deserves acknowledgement and respect too."
"Being a disabled (I'm almost entirely blind), Jewish, queer person is extremely difficult. Everything I am impacts each other. I can't go to pride or do things like that because I can't walk. And particularly to queer adults, I feel like I'm not allowed to talk about my religion. For me, my experience with religion has been a very positive one, and I know I'm privileged in that, but I've gotten so much vitriol and hurtful things said to me because I am religious by other queer people."
"Many of the experiences I've had with older cis queer people have been very transphobic towards me, and I think more education around trans issues needs to be given to them."
"while we may have a ways to go in our personal queer journey, we fundamentally know what we want and would prefer not to be belittled because of our ages."
"There's a lot more terms now and that's not hurting anyone - if a young person feels the most themselves using a term you may not use that's their choice."
"It's important to accept all parts of the LGBTQ+ community, not just the ones you personally identify with."
"They have their rights because of a black trans woman, don't run away from the part of your community that gave you the rights to hang your pride flags and love who you love when we are under attack rn."
"I understand that cisgender and heterosexual people in the past have treated this community horribly. But, not all cishet people are bad, and if we exclude them and make fun of them for simply being cis/hetero then we are just as bad as oppressors. Fight people for their actions not their identities."
"I think the fear of talking to someone who doesn't share your identity is that you will be vulnerable with them only for them to not understand or sympathize with you."

Celebrate with us. Rage with us.

  • Be proud of us.
  • Reassure us that it will be okay.
"They tell me how they see themselves in me and how proud they are of what ive accomplished."
"My GSA teacher is one of my biggest supports. What she does helpful is she affirms my emotions and anger over trans issues rather than dismissing them and is angry with me, she makes her classroom an open and safe space, educates on LGBTQ topics and similar to my math teacher will call homo and transphobia what it is and tell the students to stop, saying she's 'a raging homo' and if that's an issue to them to get the fuck out."
"There are a couple of trans-masc adults in my life, and what they do that is very encouraging is understand what the moments of celebration are. One person in my life pointed out my new mustache and gave me a high five. It was cool to have an adult understand me without having to tell them that I was excited to be growing a mustache."
"the LGBTQA+ adults in my life are typically very good at inspiring motivation to keep living and reassuring me it'll be ok."

Recognize your power.

"I am of no religion and sometimes i feel as though if I were to say I wasn't of religion then I would get told many things like 'this is why people like you shouldn't exist' 'why you people should unalive' etc. it hurts knowing this is a possibility and I think people should be more understanding. I value and look up to adults who are willing to help fight for people's rights, beliefs, and other such matters for peoples who can't be heard (minors)."
"Young people want a space to comfortably be themselves. Rather than try to make the youth more presentable so that they are safer, try to make the environment safer for the youth."
"We're the future, and without support, we may not have one."
"Please speak up for us. We need help and we can't help ourselves. I hate to ask LGBTQ adults to be our fighters, but we promise if you all fight for us, we will fight for the next generation to keep them and the many generations after them alive and happy."
"Autism makes it harder to correct people about pronouns and terminology because of the debilitating social anxiety and introversion I experience. This makes it more important to have advocates who can stand up for me."
"We need help and guidance from people like them, since we, as youth, don't get a say in the laws that are prohibiting us from getting affirming care."
"We need your full support right now, especially if you're cis, because we are suffering and looking for a community in YOU."
"Knowing that it isn't just my generation fighting and having mentors to guide us is, in my opinion, incredibly important."
"How much joy it brings us to see LGBTQIA+ adults existing, thriving, and advocating for us."
"We need your guidance. This is the first time we've had to live through the hate that you've survived for decades. Show us how to fight back and be strong but also how to be together and protect one another."

Ideas especially for LGBTQA+/ SGL parents, parental figures, and mentors

Ideas especially for LGBTQA+/ SGL parents, parental figures, and mentors

Learn More

A special note for LGBTQA+/SGL people in education

A special note for LGBTQA+/SGL people in education

Learn More