Photo by Alexander Grey.
(For how i crafted these quotes, see What i changed in survey-takers' responses and What i didn't change.)
Adults overall
Telling us we're mentally ill or misgendering us really hurts.
If you try to pressure us to change, it won't work. What it will do is damage our relationship.
Remember that we face these conflicts with you as children, not adults.
You denying me healthcare is harmful.
Saying you love me but don't accept me is offensive.
If you use slurs to talk about me or tell others about my sexual orientation, I get really uncomfortable.
"Mostly they just say that they love me anyway. Which for me is a bit of a sting, because I don't want to be loved 'anyway'; I want to be loved FOR who I am, not DESPITE who I am."
"When I tell you I feel uncomfortable with transphobic jokes or debates over my rights, what I mean is that I feel unsafe. It's just that it's not always safe to tell you I don't feel safe."
"casual, regular acceptance is crucial. if someone is joking or speculating about queer issues, politics, or their own identity, it's very possible they're doing so as a test to get a feel for how you respond to those topics. Even off hand remarks deriding or dismissing the queer community stick with us. i remember everything any adult ever said about the queer community and mentally marked each adult in my life 'safe' or 'not safe' based on those remarks."
Parents
If you pretend your child is straight or cis when they're not, you could lose them.
I don't have supportive parents. It makes my life harder.
"I came out before puberty and my parents didn't allow me on puberty blockers and that affected me a lot."
"How isolating it can be, kids can be so mean. My girlfriends family has been pretty painful with their close minds. When she first came out, her dad didn't talk to her for a month. I live in [a Midwest state], slurs are strangely normalized, her dad says the n word and the f slur. I stand up to people but can't really say anything to my significant others dad. Her whole family invalidated our relationship with me in the car on our way to her high school graduation. i have many horror stories of being gay in [Midwest state]. we went prom dress shopping together and received hateful comments from the workers."
"Something that's often more specific to parents of trans kids: GRIEVE THE CHILD YOU THOUGHT YOU'D HAVE SOMEWHERE ELSE. I can imagine that it's hard to have a kid come out as trans. I've had to lose some dreams for the future in my time, I know it's not easy. I can empathize with that pain. At the same time, I cannot stress enough how much that pain is not your child's fault. This grief is not theirs to manage. Their coming out is not something they did to you. Their coming out is about them, and about them wanting to outwardly be the person they really are. Please, get yourself a therapist or a support group or a friend or something and work those feelings out where your kid will never, ever see them."
Other relatives
"my grandmother still occasionally takes issue with my feminine or otherwise atypical dressing. this shows that she doesn't truly support me for who i am, even if she does not impose very strongly and attempts to advocate for me."
"I don't have family that does this, but I love it when people treat me and my relationships as normal and not something shameful."
"My parents say things like they are proud of me, or asks me how my relationship life is going. I feel like some of my other family members have this weird fear of asking me about my dating life, even though they ask all my straight cousins."
