Queer and trans joy
Before anything else, it's so important to show the joy of LGBTQA+/SGL lives and identities, not just the challenges and discrimination.
We are well past the decades when the only LGBTQA+/SGL books and movies out there ended in separation, isolation, depression, suicide, or murder.
Young readers need assurance that it's possible to be queer and trans and, simultaneously, happy, fulfilled, successful, and partnered.
Relatedly, it's also great to choose books or movies that include LGBTQA+/SGL characters whose sexual orientation or gender identity isn't the focus of the book. As one of my survey-takers wrote, "We need more media with lgbtq+ representation that doesn't focus a lot on the lgbtq+ aspect. Like, it's part of the story without it being a plot point or a big deal."
More on queer and trans joy
- 20 Must-Read Happy Queer Books for Pride
- Gender euphoria a ‘key component’ of trans and non-binary wellbeing, expert says
- How Trans Autistic People Are Using Joy as Political Resistance
- I Just Want Something That's Gay and Happy: L.G.B.T.Q. Romance Is Booming (Here are instructions for getting a three-day free subscription to the New York Times online.)
- I’m 17, trans and loving life. Joy should be the norm for trans people
- Paper Doll: Notes from a Late Bloomer, by Dylan Mulvaney
- 'A place of joy': Inside a safe haven for Black queer teens in Alabama
- Queer joy: what it is and why we need more of it
- Queer life and the pursuit of happiness (FYI, this article isn't perfect. It relies a little too much for my taste on the "you can be happy if you just put your mind to it!" approach. But it makes some good points, nonetheless.)
- Unapologetic Queers live happier, foster community through pushing the envelope
- What in the L?! - An L-Bow Room Conversation: Black Lesbian Joy (YouTube)
- Whatever Happened to Queer Happiness?
- Why Queer Stories Deserve Happy Endings: Susie Dumond on Positive Role Models
- Why We Must Talk About Happiness In Transgender And Non-Binary Lives More
- Your Lovable Trans Auntie asks, "Where do we go from here?"
Queer and trans hope
(I owe a huge debt to Page at the Common Goodness Project for much of the material below.)
It is critical for queer & trans tweens & teens to a sense of hope for not only that their future can be better, but that their present can be as well. Part of this includes helping them develop a sense of agency about their lives so that they see that they can help improve their present and their future.
Working toward long-term goals takes more energy and fortitude than short-term goals. Pathways require the ability for tweens and teens to see how to get from how life is now to how it could be.
Agency is the emotional and mental energy to carry out our own goals. It is also a limited resource; if someone gives a lot of energy to one goal, they don't have that energy for something else. Young people have little agency in their lives, which are often controlled by adults, especially parents and teachers.
In fact, having hope skills and resources is a strong predictor of well-being.
Queer and trans strengths
(I owe a huge debt to Page at the Common Goodness Project for almost all of the material below.)
Those of us who are allies/accomplices for queer and trans youth tend to focus strongly on their deficits -- what they lack (like supportive families), the barriers they face (like unsupportive schools), their social isolation from peers, the perceived or actual threats to their safety and security, the adverse childhood experiences they've survived, and the minority stress they may feel. But when we do this, we ignore their strengths.
Queer and trans youth have tremendous resources available, both internally and externally. Here are some of them:
- Resilience
- While we often think of resilience as the ability to bounce back after a negative experience, in the context of queer and trans young people, this term can be more helpfully defined as "showing up while still in pain." This description centers not an assumed getting-over of trauma but on a young person's ability to be there for someone else, even when life is hard.
- This use of "resilience" isn't focused on academic success or health outcomes like depression, suicidality, and substance use.
- This kind of resilience can be both communal and individual.
- Examples:
- Tweens and teens holding onto who they are, even when confronting oppression or opposition.
- Resistance in the face of behavior or identities that are punished or criminalized.
- Staying closeted (i.e., keeping oneself safe and picking one's battles). There is huge emotional labor for the closeted person, but that effort doesn't necessarily make being closeted less effective.
- Self-knowledge/self-determination/introspection
- The ability a young person to define who they are, which often starts with being certain that they aren't straight and/or cis.
- Growth and curiosity, as displayed by a willingness to adapt, change labels, and continue to self-reflect.
- Courage
- Questioning things that other people take for granted.
- A willingness to make adults uncomfortable, including when it's about something as fundamental as sexual orientation or gender identity.
- It takes social capital to tell adults who you are when those adults might be resistant to what they perceive as a "new" identity, especially when these kinds of changes among young people can make adults very uncomfortable.
- Sometimes, adults punish young queer and trans folx for things things they would never dream of punishing straight, cis youth for, such as:
- Being affectionate in public with their significant other.
- A young person taking matters into their own hands after they're repeatedly harassed and get no help from adults, even after asking for support numerous times.
- A willingness to trust, even after adults and systems have failed them over and over.
- Seeking community
- Our young people have to read a lot of signs to find friends and trusted adults, whether that's someone's hair or clothing, their political or other opinions, or any of the other myriad ways LGBTQA+/SGL people of all ages use to find each other. Consciously or not, we assess other people before deciding to be vulnerable.
- Creating "found families."
- Volunteering with organizations that do work aligned with a young person's values.
- A willingness to reach out to school or community resources to get help.
- Inclusion/acceptance/non-judgment
- Many queer and trans tweens and teens know what it's like to be alone, which can make them much more inclusive than their straight, cis peers.
- They may be very aware of other young people who also face discrimination and marginalization, like tweens or teens who are BIPOC and/or autistic. Queer and trans young people may brin these peers into a community they've built.
- As an important side-note, these identity categories are far from mutually exclusive.
- Being authentic in public
- Holding a significant other's hand when that significant other is perceived to be the same sex.
- A young person expressing their affirmed gender.
- Figuring out, and then honoring, their personal style for things like clothing and hair, even in the face of adult or peer disdain.
- Activism
- Wanting to educate peers and/or adults. Wanting to change the world.
- Doing important work deconstructing our binary sex/gender assumptions.
- Looking out for others, such as advocacy for people who may not be able to speak up for themselves.
The work that these young people are doing is moral, liberatory, and critically important. They can contribute their strengths to their communities, whether that be a micro community, like friends and family, or a more macro community, like a neighborhood, town, or city.
Looking at queer and trans youth resilience starts to reveal a strong queer/trans culture. This approach isn't focused on risk factors or liabilities but is truly strengths-based. We adults would do well to more regularly employ this lens.
